He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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