i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize