You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
