I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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