a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
