Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
