I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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