I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
