i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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