You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
