part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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