Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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