I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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