You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
