I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
