I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
