giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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