I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
