GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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