You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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