me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
