im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
