Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
