marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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