forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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