I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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