The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
