he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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