Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
