I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
