the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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