we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
