then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The uberlube is also flammable
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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