we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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