I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize