im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
