dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize