So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
