so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
