did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Come see our sink grown plant.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
