This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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