I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
