I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
