She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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