I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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