I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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