I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
