I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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