Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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