I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
