Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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