Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
