I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
