people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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