put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
