i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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