So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
