Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
