I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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