Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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