My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
