I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
