i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize