Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
