dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
