and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
