I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
