I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
