I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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