i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
