Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
