dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
