She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i love accidental penises.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize