im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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