I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
