I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
