I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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