no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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