i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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