Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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