i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Terrible idea I love it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize