i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
