The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
