ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
