I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
