he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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