you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
