i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
