I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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