Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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