but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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