Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
