The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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