the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So many bounce houses so little time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
