Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
