he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
