Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
