Whod you bang
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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