Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
