Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
