are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
