NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
