you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
